After the Choice - Testimonials

Rosemary's Story is a testimony from Immaculate Heart Radio.

"I was the eldest of 4 children, I came from a Catholic upbringing, a very loving family. My parents both came to this country from Yucatan, Mexico.

Back then, I was afraid of God, I thought he was a punishing God and that if I didn't do what was right that I would be severely reprimanded. So I tried to do the right thing. My dad was very strict and my mom was always worried about us. The one thing I promised myself I would never everdo is have sex before I got married. I met my future husband after High School. He was the bad boy and I was the good girl and I felt I could fix him. I broke the promise to myself and had premarital sex because of the fear I would lose him.
I was 18 years old and I got pregnant the very first time, I was scared and didn't know where to turn. I was full of shame and fear, especially of my over-protective father who I did not want to disappoint. Fear got me to my decision. I felt I had NO other option. I went to Planned Parenthood, very scared. I knew I shouldn't have been there, but I went through with the procedure and I felt every bit of the procedure. They didn't numb me and I saw very clearly defined pieces of my baby being taken away in a vacuum. That moment caused me to numb out emotionally, physically, spiritually for the next 33 years. Though I went to confession several times in different cities, states and countries, I never felt forgiven. I thought God was going to punish me.

For many years after the abortion, I was in self-destruction mode. I divorced my husband in 1985 and began using and dealing drugs, heavy drinking, neglect of my kids, promiscuity. Then in 1988 my ex- husband wanted to remarry me and start fresh. We remarried at the court and renewed our vows in the Catholic Church and I felt safe. . We worked on our marriage, with couples counseling, Retrouvaille, Cursillo, Parenting classes and much more. He got into AA, stayed clean and sober. I, too, got into AA but in 2008 I had a relapse of prescription drug abuse after knee surgery. I got put into 30 day rehab and coming out of there got introduced to the New Age Movement. I was reading angel cards, studying with the best and famous psychic/mediums out today, I myself, became a psychic/medium, I was into tarot cards, and had played the Ouija at a young age in Mexico so no one said it was bad though I had a demonic experience with it in Mexico. I was definitely playing around with dangerous things. I also studied Energy Healing and it all seemed beautiful and good and from God until the main instructor said "You don't need God to heal" that did it. I knew that only God could heal and I was dealing with the demonic disguised as goodness. I came home and I got all of my thousands of dollars in books, CD's, DVD's, Cards, , my automatic writing I had done, and anything else that filled the 3 large black garbage bags with all of this and water logged it. It was the safest way not to let it go out to the world to others. I got on my knees with everything in my body and gave myself to Mother Mary begging for her son's forgiveness and asked if she would bring me closer to her son, Jesus. I was escaping from myself any way I could and never tied all of these negative behavior's to its original cause, which was my abortion. I was trying to run away from my pain and my guilt.

In February of 2011, I was in a small chapel in adoration in Mexico. I remember sitting there& suddenly I heard a very loud internal male voice say, "PROSTRATE YOURSELF", confused, I turned around to see who spoke and saw only a few women there, a few moments later, again he said "PROSTRATE YOURSELF!!" ignoring this voice one last time, I heard "PROSTRATE YOURSELF!" This time I listened I prostrated myself in front of Jesus, laying on the marble floor I began to shake uncontrollably; I felt a heat going through my entire body and then electricity from the tip of my fingers to the end of my toes and I began to sob like a baby. I knew right then and there that Jesus was truly present and He wanted my attention in a powerful way. Next, I heard these beautiful words from the same voice, very calming, I heard "I HAVE FORGIVEN YOU, NOW FORGIVE YOUR SELF, I sat back down. I asked Jesus "What do you want from me?" I got up and walked out of the chapel, looking up to the sky, I saw a huge fetus formed in the clouds, I knew God was telling me it was time to deal with my abortion.
I knew then at that moment about a few things, one was that God is truly present, every step of the way in our lives, and two, He is a merciful God, one who forgives the moment we repent and ask for forgiveness and that I didn't have to carry this sin of abortion for 33 years.

Arriving back home, I turned on 1260am, Immaculate Heart Radio and heard the words "If you have had or anyone you know has suffered from an abortion, call Rachel's Vineyard for a retreat schedule". My husband and I went to the retreat. He went just to support me but received an incredible healing himself. You see, the sin of abortion effects men differently but equally. My husband was able to heal from the emotional and spiritual effects of abortion and I did too. It was one of the most beautiful and incredible experiences of our lives. It also greatly helped our marriage. I also went to a post-abortion Bible study group, which was equally healing. Today I no longer have to run and hide with bitterness and shame. I can now see that my husband and I made a mistake, we are not a mistake. God loves us no matter what."

Yo fui la mayor de cuatro hermanos. Yo vine de una familia muy católica, mis padres ambos vinieron a este país de Yucatán, México. En ese entonces yo tenía temor a Dios y pensé que el me iba a castigar si no hacía yo lo que estaba correcto y trate de hacer lo bien. Mi papa era muy estricto y mi mama muy preocupada por nosotros. Una cosa que me prometí y que no lo iba hacer, era tener sexo antes del matrimonio. Falle en mi promesa y mi futuro marido y yo tuvimos relaciones y quede embarazada y tenia pánico de decírselo a mis papas y estaba avergonzada. Tenía yo tanto miedo y no sabía qué hacer pero miedo me hizo hacer esa decisión. No sentí que tenía otro opción. Fui al Planned Parenthood donde experimente ansiedad y miedo porque sabía que no debería hacerlo. Lo hice de todos modos y sentí todo el procedimiento, pues no me anestesiaron y yo vi muy claro, los pedazos de mi bebe sacados con un extractor. En ese momento, quede mal espiritualmente, físicamente y emocionalmente por 33 años , la culpa y remordimiento nunca me dejaron.

Confesé varias veces mi pecado pero no me sentía perdonada. Pensé que Dios me iba a castigar. En 2011, estando en una capilla en adoración en Mexico, de repente oí una voz interna de hombre que decía "POSTRATE", y cuando lo ignore, lo oí otra vez, "POSTRATE", Y solo había unas mujeres allí y la ultima vez oí la voz fuerte decir "POSTRATE" esta vez lo escuche y me postre delante de Jesús. Empecé a temblar sin control y sentí electricidad de las puntas de mis dedos hasta el final de los dedos de mis pies y llore como bebe. Después oí la misma voz con estas lindas palabras pero calmada decir "Yo te he perdonado, ahora perdónate a ti misma", cuando salí de la capilla, vi que en el cielo había una nube en la forma de un feto y sabía que era tiempo de confrontar mi aborto. Le pedí a Dios que me guille. En llegar a los EU, oí por el radio de Immaculate Heart "Si tiene o alguien que tú conoces han sufrido de un aborto, llama a Viñedo de Raquel para que te den una fecha de retiro"

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Comments by Past Participants of the Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat Weekend

"Rachel’s Vineyard was just what I needed. I was terrified to go, but the facilitators were good at helping me talk about it. The prayer and music all helped me deal with feelings I’d run from for years." – Zoe

"My therapist saw I was stuck in dealing with my abortion. She could tell my issues were spiritual, so she suggested the retreat. Thank God – it was a real breakthrough for me." – Tina

"When I read the program materials, I just broke down crying, so obviously it hit something in me.” – Juan

"I couldn’t believe when I saw the ad. . . You wonder if you’ll be judged, but instead I found compassion." – Monique

"The unconditional love I felt at this retreat and the dedicated service of the staff made me to feel safe enough to explore the depths of pain buried deep inside for many years from the abortion experience. Having released much of this pain and these emotions, I feel more connected to myself, God, and others." - Julia

"Everything I saw for dealing with abortion was directed at women. Then I found out about the retreat. I wondered how I’d feel as a guy there. But I went and felt welcome. It helped me see my role in my girlfriend’s abortion, and accept forgiveness for the huge part I played in it." - Marc

"I feel more at peace with myself and in my relationship with my boyfriend. Thanks for suggesting that I share the memorial service with him." - Kate

"Realizing I’d been a mother was a sort of epiphany for me. I’d been terrified to have other kids, and that fear’s not there any more." - Anna

"We’d waited 29 years to grieve the loss of those two babies, and it was eating away at our marriage. We’re so grateful there was a place for us to come as a couple." - Barry

“I have truly experienced God’s healing touch on my heart.” - Laura

"I’ve definitely found a renewed sense of my faith… something I’ve been searching for." – Theresa